I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
