The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
