MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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