i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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