hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Everyone says I win the strip club
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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