she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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