we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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