OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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