im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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