dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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