I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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