Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
