you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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