Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
