She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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