Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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