A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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