K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
