he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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