out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
