So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
