his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
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I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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