Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
