Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
