What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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