WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
