Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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