Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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