Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
