my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
