:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
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