After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
