So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
