pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
