I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
