my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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