I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
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I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
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In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize