Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize