I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
