I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
