is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
