Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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