Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my being single is dangerous.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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