"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
