just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We just shotgunned beers for America
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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