yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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