Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
