Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
