After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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