do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
