Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Randomize
