Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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