She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
