dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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