make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
