Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
