i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
