tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
