Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
