3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize