what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
