saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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