We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
