I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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