If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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