Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
