Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
