I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
