winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
