i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
