Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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