ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
There's always time for handjobs
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
