god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
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His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
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That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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