I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
