I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
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Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
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I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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