Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
